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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24856720">You should take it as a compliment that I'm talking to everyone here but you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/drabbles/pseuds/drabbles'>drabbles</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mass Effect Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Everybody has a crush on Shepard, Everyone Is Alive, Group chat, Humor, Multi, Shepard stans that's literally it, just a couple of fangirls and fanboys of the savior of the galaxy, t for language</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:53:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,610</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24856720</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/drabbles/pseuds/drabbles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard happens to be the only person in the galaxy not invited in that one group chat.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>EDI/Jeff "Joker" Moreau, Female Shepard/Aria T'Loak, Female Shepard/Ashley Williams, Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian, Female Shepard/James Vega, Female Shepard/Liara T'Soni, Female Shepard/Samantha Traynor, Female Shepard/Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, Jack | Subject Zero/Female Shepard, Kasumi Goto/Female Shepard, Miranda Lawson/Female Shepard, Samara/Female Shepard (Mass Effect)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>99</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>408</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>so this is basically just a rip off of that one fic, Shepard is hot support group. it's an absolutely brilliant and hilarious fic. i couldn't help but make something similar! if you haven't read Shepard is hot support group yet, please do because it's one of the BEST. </p><p>i'm currently working on 3 other fics right now (no, i have not abandoned those!!) but i was hoping this would be a good little side project sgfdbcxcx</p><p>title from taylor swift's song Gorgeous kjsdhf </p><p>(i made the rating T because i'm paranoid)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> created this group.</p><p>This group has <span class="u">3 members</span>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>I did it</p><p>i finalky did it</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>tali</p><p>you said you wouldn’t do it</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>well clearly I lied</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>are you drunk right now where are you</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>i am NOT druink</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>She’s in the observation deck</p><p>And what is this group chat for anyway?</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> sent a <span class="u">photo</span>.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>Oh my God.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>SPIRITS TALI</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>I KNOW</p><p>LO OK AT HER</p><p>LO o K AT TH OSE MUSCHLES</p><p>HER S HOY U LDE RS !!!!!!!!!</p><p>LOOK AT THSJOSE SHOUDLERS</p><p>A R T</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>Daaaamn</p><p>I knew the commander was ripped but damn....</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>ASH????</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>you see turian</p><p>i told you we weren’r the only ones</p><p>i was rifht</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> sent a <span class="u">photo</span>.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Ashley Williams</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Ashley Williams</strong> sent a <span class="u">photo</span>.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>SKSXNZBHDK</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>I havce nevder been mofre proud to serrfve under a commander before</p><p>although somteims i wish it were literalk</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Garrus Vakarian</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>Seconded.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>spirits send me</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>A photo for a photo</p><p>Only fair.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>i sent 2</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>Garrus didn’t send any and he got one</p><p>That’s compensation.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>vakarian</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>no</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>you havef an entire librafry</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>NO I DON'T</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>remember that one time</p><p>when you used your rifle scope to take a phgoto of shepards ass</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>NO?????</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>Wow</p><p>Send it.</p><p> </p><p><span class="u"><strong>ERROR:</strong></span> <em>MALICIOUS CODE DETECTED.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>EDI</strong>
</p><p>I have several questions.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>KEELAH DJDSNZHsjhsyU</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> removed <strong>ERROR USER NOT FOUND</strong> from the group.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>was that</p><p>was that edi</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>YES AND I DOPNT KNOW HOW SHE MANAGED TO GET HWRE</p><p>I MADE SURET TO PUT UP EVERY FIRE WALL I COULD THINK OFSDLDDJ</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>spirits</p><p>we are all screwed</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Ashley Williams</strong> left the group.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Garrus Vakarian</strong> left the group.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>oh you boshtets</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> created this group.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> added <strong>Jeff Moreau</strong> and <strong>Garrus Vakarian</strong> to the group.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>This group has <span class="u">3 members</span>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>Tali???</p><p>i thought we were done with this??</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Jeff Moreau</strong> changed his nickname to <strong>Joker</strong>.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Joker</strong>
</p><p>I asked tali to add me so I can see what the fuss was all about</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>basically, he blackmailed me</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>let me guess</p><p>edi told you.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Joker</strong>
</p><p>oh man yeah, she wouldn’t shut up about it</p><p>so I figured I had to check it out for myself to see whats rly been going on</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>Tali I told you, you should have deleted this group when you had the chance</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Joker</strong>
</p><p>hang on im doing a back read</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>i was about to!!!!!</p><p>but Joker is annoyingly persistent</p><p>and as the quarian ambassador to the citadel it would not benefit my reputation if I were to strike a poor defenseless human</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>ouch</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Joker</strong>
</p><p>oh you've done it now tali</p><p> </p><p><em><strong>Joker</strong> added <strong>Miranda Lawson</strong>, <strong>Jack</strong>, <strong>Jacob Taylor</strong>, <strong>Ashley Williams</strong>, <strong>James Vega</strong>, <strong>Samantha Traynor</strong>, <strong>Steve Cortez</strong>, <strong>Kasumi Goto</strong>, <strong>Thane Krios</strong>, and <strong>Mordin Solus</strong> to the group</em>.</p><p>This group has <span class="u">13 members</span>.</p><p> </p><p><strong>James Vega</strong> replied to a <span class="u">photo</span>.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>hooooo mami</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>JOKER I WILL PERSONALLY SEDNR THE WUARIAN FLEET AFTERT YOU</p><p> </p><p><strong>James Vega</strong> replied to a <span class="u">photo</span>.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>damn LOOK AT THOSE GUNS!</p>
  <p>lola is on FIRE!!! 🔥🔥🔥💪💪</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Joker</strong>
</p><p>question is, will you be able to catch up tali</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samantha</strong>
</p><p>Dear god</p><p>I cannot believe this exists</p><p>I CANNOT</p><p>BELIEVE</p><p>THIS</p><p>E X I S T S</p><p>I NEED MY INHALER</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Kasumi </strong>
</p><p>I can</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Kasumi Goto</strong> sent a <span class="u">photo</span>.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Kasumi</strong>
</p><p>shep from our heist mission on Ilium ;)</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samantha</strong>
</p><p>SHE WORE A DRESS?????</p><p>OH MY GOD</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Samantha Traynor</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Ashley Williams</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Thane Krios</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>GUYS????????</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Miranda Lawson</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>oh screw it</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Garrus Vakarian</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>WHY AM I ONLY LEARNING ABOUT THIS NOW</p><p>AND WHY DIDN'T YOU BRING ANYONE ELSE WITH YOU</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Kasumi</strong>
</p><p>:)</p><p> </p><p><strong>James Vega</strong> replied to a <span class="u">photo</span>.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>lola can pull off any look i gotta say</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Jacob Taylor</strong> left the group.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Steve Cortez</strong> left the group.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>This group has <span class="u">11 members</span>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Joker</strong>
</p><p>okay I can respect that</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Kasumi</strong>
</p><p>that night she went under the name allison gunn</p><p>my idea, of course</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>I knew she was hiding a dress in that wardrobe of hers somewhere!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Kasumi</strong>
</p><p>well, technically i got it for her</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>Shepard gave you her measurements?</p><p>The commander is pretty tight lipped about well, basically everything.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Kasumi</strong>
</p><p>i know</p><p>that's why i eyeballed it (:</p><p>i gave it to her before she could even say no</p><p>otherwise she would have never agreed in the first place</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>O:</p><p>talent</p><p>initiative</p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>what the fuck are all the pings for im in the middle of a class</p><p>oh jesus f christ</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>well'p</p><p>time to go</p><p>but hey look at the bright side, Tali</p><p>at least he didn't add T’soni</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Joker</strong> added <strong>Liara T’Soni</strong> to the group.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>OH NO YOU DONT</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> removed <strong>Liara T’Soni</strong> from the group.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Joker</strong> added <strong>Liara T’Soni</strong> to the group.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>JOKER</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Joker</strong>
</p><p>exactly.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> removed <strong>Liara T’Soni</strong> from the group.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> banned <strong>Jeff Moreau</strong> from the group.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>lol is that even going to work</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>guys this is getting out of hand</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>NO</p><p>WE ARE FINE</p><p>EVERYTHING IS FINE.</p><p> </p><p><span class="u"><strong>ERROR:</strong></span> <em>MALICIOUS CODE DETECTED.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>Quite.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>EVERYTHING IS NOT FINE</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>fucking called it</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samantha</strong>
</p><p>Uh</p><p>I think this may be a little above my current pay-grade...</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Miranda</strong>
</p><p>You’ve only just noticed?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>spirits guide us</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>everyone and i mean EVERYONE is bound to make an appearance at some point</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>In case it needs to be said, Shepard isn’t dating anybody in this fic kdksk</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> created this group.</p>
<p>This group has <span class="u">11 members</span>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p>
<p>so</p>
<p>since no one else has left the group</p>
<p>does this mean we are all in the same boat?</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> created this group.</p>
<p>This group has <span class="u">11 members</span>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p>
<p>i’m taking this pointed silence as a yes</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Thane</strong>
</p>
<p>👍</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> created this group.</p>
<p>This group has <span class="u">11 members</span>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em><strong>James Vega</strong> sent a <span class="u">video</span>.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p>
<p>yo</p>
<p>so lola and i’ve been working out together these past couple weeks</p>
<p>her new apartment has a punching bag and everything 🔥🔥🔥✌</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p>
<p>tsk</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p>
<p>what?</p>
<p>you got something you wanna say to me, vakarian?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p>
<p>i don’t know</p>
<p>do you want me to say something to you, vega?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p>
<p>that suppose to be a threat?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p>
<p>what do you think?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p>
<p>girls please</p>
<p>you’re both pretty</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p>
<p>why is the video quality shit</p>
<p>can‘t see shit</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p>
<p>and I’m pretty sure that’s your thumb in the corner</p>
<p>how does that even happen</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p>
<p>BECAUSE im not some miracle worker</p>
<p>i was there to work-out not direct a damn sports ad</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p>
<p>because he aims a gun the same way he films with a camera</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p>
<p>OOF</p>
<p>i guess that’s what you’d call... A BAD SHOT</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p>
<p>OOF</p>
<p>
  <span class="u">high-three.gif</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p>
<p>go to hell</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p>
<p>ha ha</p>
<p>you’re all worse than my kids</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Miranda</strong>
</p>
<p>To that, I agree.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p>
<p>wow</p>
<p>the world must be fucking ending</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p>
<p>too soon, jack</p>
<p>too soon</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> created this group.</p>
<p>This group has <span class="u">11 members</span>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em><strong>Samantha Traynor</strong> sent a <span class="u">photo</span>.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em><strong>Samantha Traynor</strong> sent a <span class="u">photo</span>.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em><strong>Samantha Traynor</strong> sent a <span class="u">photo</span>.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p>
<p>holy shit</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p>
<p>holy shit</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p>
<p>K E E L A H</p>
<p>SHEPARD IN A WET TASNK TOP ALKWAYS HAUNTS MY DREASMS</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em><strong>Jack</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Samantha</strong>
</p>
<p>The commander and I were the first to test out her new hot tub</p>
<p>10/10 would recommend</p>
<p>The hot tub I mean</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p>
<p>well shit</p>
<p>guess little miss new recruit’s got game after all</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p>
<p>oh it’s on, traynor </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p>
<p>Goddess.</p>
<p>This is... extremely, severely inappropriate.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Samantha</strong>
</p>
<p>As friends, of course.</p>
<p>We tested out her new hot tub as friends</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p>
<p>I’m sure you did.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em><strong>Liara T’Soni</strong> sent a <span class="u">photo</span>.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p>
<p>HER EYES</p>
<p>Oh god they’ve never looked more green</p>
<p>She’s ACTUALLY looking at the camera this time</p>
<p>She has eyes people write poems about...</p>
<p>Just</p>
<p>Soul-piercing</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em><strong>Garrus Vakarian</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p>
<p>honestly</p>
<p>the thing that really gets me are the freckles</p>
<p>and the way they blend in with those scars</p>
<p>damn</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em><strong>Samantha Traynor</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em><strong>Jack</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em><strong>Ashley Williams</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em><strong>James Vega</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em><strong>Thane Krios</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em><strong>Kasumi Gotto</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em><strong>Miranda Lawson</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Kasumi</strong>
</p>
<p>and here I thought shep was camera shy</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p>
<p>Why, yes. Shepard is impossibly camera shy.</p>
<p>Just not in front of the right person.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p>
<p>hah</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p>
<p>):</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p>
<p>damn</p>
<p>doc’s not playing around</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Samantha</strong>
</p>
<p>I’m not even gonna lie</p>
<p>That cut deep</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p>
<p>you’re on, doctor t’soni </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p>
<p>Then bring it on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Samantha</strong>
</p>
<p>Um james</p>
<p>And I do mean this with good intentions</p>
<p>But the doctor will completely <em>obliterate</em> you</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p>
<p>homeboy probably doesn't know exactly who it is he's messing with</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p>
<p>oh come on everybody</p>
<p>i just think he doesn't want to be in anyone else's </p>
<p>S H A D O W </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p>
<p>that's right</p>
<p>she'll flay you alive</p>
<p>with her MIND </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p>
<p>Ugh</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p>
<p>My god</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p>
<p>???</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> created this group.</p>
<p>This group has <span class="u">11 members</span>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em><strong>Miranda Lawson</strong> sent a <span class="u">photo</span>.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p>
<p>HOW</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p>
<p>is this recent???</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Miranda</strong>
</p>
<p>Of course it is.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em><strong>Garrus Vakarian</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em><strong>Ashley Williams</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em><strong>Jack</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em><strong>Thane Krios</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p>
<p>Okay you have GOT to teach me how to do that</p>
<p>What camera did you use??</p>
<p>The lighting is EVERYTHING.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p>
<p>and she just looks so damn happy in that shot...</p>
<p>so at peace with everything</p>
<p>damn it all</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p>
<p>keelah my memory stick is getting full i’ll have to get a new one soon</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p>
<p>just how many pictures do you have tali???</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p>
<p>not nearly as much as you do</p>
<p>with your ultra high definition rifle scope</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p>
<p>THAT WAS ONE TIME</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p>
<p>suuuure it was</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em><strong>Samantha Traynor</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><strong>Samantha Traynor</strong> replied to a <span class="u">photo</span>.</p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Okay now THAT should be in a poster somewhere</p>
</blockquote><p>We’d be recruiting twice as many in the alliance</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p>
<p>Impressive.</p>
<p>Well played, Miss Lawson.</p>
<p>Well played indeed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Miranda</strong>
</p>
<p>Don't I know it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Kasumi</strong>
</p>
<p>oop</p>
<p>claws are out</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> created this group.</p>
<p>This group has <span class="u">11 members</span>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em><strong>Mordin Solus</strong> sent a <span class="u">photo</span>.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p>
<p>oh you have got to be fucking kidding me</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>SDHGDDH okay so this wraps up this little fic because I might have gone a little too overboard with this chapter, I don’t even know if it’s still funny lmao so this will probably be the last chapter unless anyone is still interested in reading more?? But fair warning, I don’t know if I did any of these characters justice because this fic has honestly just been self-indulgent at this point. I blame the Citadel DLC SHDJDfhHJgjhdghf and I hope this fic makes you smile a little bit wherever you are in the planet!</p><p>These characters just honestly have a special place in my heart &lt;3</p><p>*proceeds to write crack fic*</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> created this group.</p><p>This group has <span class="u">11 members</span>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>Does anyone know who this is?</p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Ashley Williams</em> </strong> <em> sent a <span class="u">photo</span>.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>Gianna Parasini.</p><p>Internal Affairs agent. Worked with Shepard back in Port Hanshan from two years ago, to expose the salarian Anoleis’s corruption.</p><p>I believe she went back undercover this time in Ilium.</p><p>With the economy fast recovering, there is plenty for someone like Gianna Parasini to accomplish.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>remind me again to clear my browsing history after this</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>as if that would make any real difference</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>Why did you ask, Ashley?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>Well, I don’t want to make any rash assumptions but</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>oh that chick’s definitely into shepard</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>I said I didn’t want to make any rash assumptions</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>keelah</p><p>is there anything else that’s new</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>i’m pretty sure that pretty much everyone shepard has personally worked with develops a sort of admiration for her</p><p>i mean</p><p>isn’t there evidence enough</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>nope</p><p>we have no idea what you’re talking about</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>she gave lola a little 💋 on the 🧏</p><p>ash and i saw</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>i’m sorry</p><p>but i don’t speak symbol</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>he means the chick gave shepard a kiss on the cheek</p><p>also</p><p>seriously?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>oh</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Private Chat</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Still owes me a drink</strong>
</p><p>garrus</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Archangel</strong>
</p><p>shepard?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Still owes me a drink</strong>
</p><p>is it just me or is the crew acting a little</p><p>...extra friendlier today</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Archangel</strong>
</p><p>friendly how</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Still owes me a drink</strong>
</p><p>uh</p><p>friendly.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Archangel</strong>
</p><p>?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Still owes me a drink</strong>
</p><p>also </p><p>there's something different about Liara </p><p>i just can't put it into words but i'm sure it's... something</p><p>i think it could be a new perfume</p><p>and </p><p>Tali just tried to take off her helmet? in the NORMANDY?</p><p>what was up with that?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Archangel</strong>
</p><p>wow shepard </p><p>you're absolutely right </p><p>that IS weird</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> created this group.</p><p>This group has <span class="u">11 members</span>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>come on, people.</p><p>this is a disaster</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> created this group.</p><p>This group has <span class="u">11 members</span>.</p><p> </p><p><strong><span class="u">ERROR:</span></strong> <em>MALICIOUS CODE DETECTED</em>.</p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>ERROR USER NOT FOUND</em> </strong> <em> added <strong>Jeff Moreau</strong>, <strong>Urdnot Wrex</strong>, <strong>Grunt</strong>, <strong>Javik</strong>, <strong>Samara</strong>, and <strong>Aethyta</strong> to the group.</em></p><p> </p><p>This group has <span class="u">19 members</span>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>what the</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>IT’S EDI AGAIBN</p><p>EDI WVAHT IS WRONTG WITGH YOU???????</p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Jeff Moreau</em> </strong> <em> changed his nickname to <strong>Joker</strong>.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Joker</strong>
</p><p>finally i’m back</p><p>and good work, Edi</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>EDI</strong>
</p><p>You’re welcome, Jeff.</p><p>After much deliberation, I have finally come to an understanding about the true purpose of this virtual gathering.</p><p>You have all come together to express mutual fondness for Shepard, and thus Jeff and I have deemed it only fair to add other individuals who hold similar sentiments.</p><p>I don’t see anything particularly wrong with that, Tali.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aethyta</strong>
</p><p>athame’s almighty tits above</p><p>there are at least 10 different things wrong about this and I haven’t even seen half of this fucking thread yet</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>No no n o nio</p><p>This cannopt be happeninfg</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aethyta</strong>
</p><p>what the hell have you all been smoking out there in outer space</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>it’s happening</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>who the hell is this</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>My father...</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>oh holy shit</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aethyta</strong>
</p><p>AKA, the voice of reason</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urdnot</strong>
</p><p>Wghhat isd all thhis sduppose tfo be huh</p><p>Sonme sordt of club</p><p>Whgy weredn’t we inbvitred earlier</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>what’s the matter wrex</p><p>why are you typing like that?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urdnot</strong>
</p><p>I cabn tyope howevder thge hell i wandt garrus</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Grunt</strong>
</p><p>his fingers are too big for the omni tool hes using</p><p>i took what the old man usually uses and traded it in for a shotgun mod</p><p>shot five quadless idiots with it today alone</p><p>hehe</p><p>theyre still alive dont worry</p><p>well theyre breathing</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>EDI</strong>
</p><p>This chat is created strictly for the purpose of sharing admiration for Shepard.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Grunt</strong>
</p><p>so basically</p><p>everyone here wants to breed with battlemaster?</p><p>huh</p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Grunt</em> </strong> <em> left the group.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>spirits</p><p>i can hear joker laughing all the way from the crew deck</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>I’m surprised he hasn’t broken a rib or two already.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>Maybe it’s time to change that</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>i’m on the elevator now don’t worry</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>this is just</p><p>beyond humiliating</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>that’s it</p><p>I’m officially moving back to Rannoch after this</p><p>via the airlock</p><p>and I will be MOVING ON.</p><p>OFFICIALLY.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Javik</strong>
</p><p>THEN I WILL GLADLY ESCORT YOU QUARIAN.</p><p>I WILL GLADLY ESCORT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU OUT OF THE AIRLOCK OUT OF RESPECT FOR THE COMMANDER.</p><p>THIS IS INSUBORDINATION OF THE HIGHEST ORDER.</p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Joker</em> </strong> <em> renamed <strong>Javik’s</strong> nickname to <strong>Prothy the Protheon</strong>.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aethyta</strong>
</p><p>Alright let’s just turn it down by a couple notches</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>EDI</strong>
</p><p>He is always like this.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Prothy the Prothean</strong>
</p><p>BACK IN MY CYCLE YOU WOULD ALL HAVE BEEN LEFT FOR DEAD IN A DESERT WASTELAND WITH CARNIVOROUS BUGS PICKING AT YOUR EYE SOCKETS ONE BY ONE UNTIL THERE WOULD BE NOTHING LEFT BUT DUST.</p><p>EVERYWHERE I GO I SEE PRIMITIVES LEFT AND RIGHT YOU ALL NEED TO BE DISCIPLINED FOR THIS KIND OF UNBECOMING BEHAVIOR</p><p>IT IS NO WONDER WHY THIS SHIP REEKS OF PHEROMONES.</p><p>ESPECIALLY FROM THE ASARI.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>woah</p><p>you need to calm down buddy</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>and they fucking call <em>me</em> problematic</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Mordin</strong>
</p><p>Prothean not wrong about asari pheromones. Fact. Very true fact indeed. Reason why so many species fall prey for asari. Reason why asari so successful in galactic affairs. Reason why asari so well-loved by every manner of living things.</p><p>Unfair advantage.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>okay well</p><p>that’s clearly cheating</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Prothy the Prothean</strong>
</p><p>You</p><p>Salarian</p><p>Your liver is considered an aphrodisiac among my people</p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Mordin Solus</em> </strong> <em> removed <strong>Javik</strong> from the group.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>oh snap</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>pheromones.</p><p>really???</p><p>
  <span class="u">@Liara T’Soni</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>I have no idea what they are talking about.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aethyta</strong>
</p><p>i do</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>so THAAAT'S the something </p><p>spirits</p><p>even evolution is picking favorites</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>garrus</p><p>you’re a six and a half feet tall turian.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>yeah so?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Joker</strong>
</p><p>um excuse me but</p><p>have you all seen me lately???</p><p>the level of disrespect</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>EDI</strong>
</p><p>Jeff, I think you are perfect just the way you are.</p><p>There isn’t a single thing about you that I would change.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Joker</strong>
</p><p>thank you, Edi</p><p>:)</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>EDI</strong>
</p><p>&lt;3</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>i am so. tired of being single</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Miranda</strong>
</p><p>I hear you.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>Same</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>same</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samantha</strong>
</p><p>God same</p><p>The dry spells are the worse</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>Same</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>same</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>i’m a quarian</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urdnot</strong>
</p><p>Anybodfy evder thfought of just gfoing krgogan?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aethyta</strong>
</p><p>okay everybody just calm down</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urdnot</strong>
</p><p>Not evnen yoiu liara?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>No.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samara</strong>
</p><p>While I do not see the appeal of this thread, I can certainly understand why it... exists.</p><p>Shepard is perhaps one of the only individuals forbidden from ever stepping foot into the Ardat-Yakshi monastery.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>Of <em>course</em> she is</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samara</strong>
</p><p>And for good reason.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aethyta</strong>
</p><p>now hold on a second</p><p>even the asari justicar</p><p>look you know what</p><p>back in my day, when you liked someone then you liked someone.</p><p>you just went ahead and told them</p><p>it was that fucking simple</p><p>if they don’t feel the same way, then you move on and you find someone better. which you WILL.</p><p>none of this hiding behind virtual spaces varrenshit</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urdnot</strong>
</p><p>Tell me aboiut it</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>TALI STARTED IT</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>HEY</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>I think it’s safe to say that we are all guilty right now</p><p>But Garrus is right</p><p>Tali started it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>i am never fixing any of your omnti tools ever again</p><p>you boshtet traitors!!!!!</p><p>this is NOT worth the effort at all</p><p>):&lt;</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Thane</strong>
</p><p>If I may,</p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Thane Krios</em> </strong> <em> sent a <span class="u">photo</span>.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>okay well when shepard smiles like that</p><p>maybe it is a little worth the effort</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>now that the pyjak’s out of the bag...</p><p>might as well</p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Garrus Vakarian</em> </strong> <em> took a screenshot of the chat.</em></p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</em> </strong> <em> took a screenshot of the chat.</em></p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Ashley Williams</em> </strong> <em> took a screenshot of the chat.</em></p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Jack</em> </strong> <em> took a screenshot of the chat.</em></p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Liara T’Soni</em> </strong> <em> took a screenshot of the chat.</em></p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Miranda Lawson</em> </strong> <em> took a screenshot of the chat.</em></p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Samantha Traynor</em> </strong> <em> took a screenshot of the chat.</em></p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>James Vega</em> </strong> <em> took a screenshot of the chat.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aethyta</strong>
</p><p>athame bless every single one of you</p><p>but at least this provides me with some fairly valuable intel</p><p>now I know what the galaxy’s most dangerous are doing in their spare time</p><p>staring at shepard’s goddessforsaken ass on the extranet</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>Dad.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aethyta</strong>
</p><p>did I say ass? I meant to say smile</p><p>it’ll be difficult to explain to the asari republics but I’ve honestly had to tell them things much worse than this</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>D A D</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aethyta</strong>
</p><p>oh right</p><p>no offense, justicar</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samara</strong>
</p><p>None taken, Matriarch Aethyta.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>Goddess preserve me</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aethyta</strong>
</p><p>i’m sure she will, little wing</p><p>fine fine</p><p>i’ll just go ahead and leave you kids be</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urdnot</strong>
</p><p>kids wjill be kids aerhyta</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aethyta</strong>
</p><p>i won’t get in the way</p><p>but before i leave this little fan club, i think i might know someone else who’s interested</p><p>just don’t ask me how i know the contact info</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>please</p><p>no more</p><p>maintaining this server has already been unspeakably taxing for me as it is</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>I can vouch for that.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>EDI</strong>
</p><p>It would be much easier if you would both allow me to assist.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>NO</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>NO</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aethyta</strong>
</p><p>i’ll just leave this here and be on my way</p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Aethyta</em> </strong> <em> added <strong>Aria T’Loak</strong> to the group.</em></p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Aethyta</em> </strong> <em> left the group.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>OH COME ON</p><p>WHEN’S A GUY EVER GOING TO CATCH A BREAK</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> created this group.</p><p>This group has <span class="u">17 members</span>.</p><p> </p><p><strong>Aria</strong> <strong>T'Loak </strong>replied to a <span class="u">photo</span>.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>My my my</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p><strong>Aria</strong> <strong>T'Loak </strong>replied to a <span class="u">photo</span>.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>What do we have here?</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p><strong>Aria</strong> <strong>T'Loak </strong>replied to a <span class="u">photo</span>.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Interesting</p>
</blockquote><p>
  <strong><br/>Aria</strong>
</p><p>A gathering of the galaxy’s finest</p><p>On behalf of the one person capable of uniting it</p><p>How blatantly </p><p>Typical</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>Aria T’Loak.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aria</strong>
</p><p>If it isn't the galaxy's worse kept secret</p><p>May I just point out that you’re all clearly losing your edge</p><p>Is this what retirement does to people?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>why don't you come over here and say that to my fucking face</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aria</strong>
</p><p>Excuse me?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Miranda</strong>
</p><p>Jack.</p><p>No.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>but miri </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Miranda</strong>
</p><p>No.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>fff</p><p>fine</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>um okay</p><p>now i’m just lost</p><p>who is she supposed to be?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samantha</strong>
</p><p>J a m e s </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aria</strong>
</p><p>Who am I supposed to be?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>oh here we go</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>She is Omega yada yada yada the <em>usual</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aria</strong>
</p><p>I AM Omega.</p><p>Oh fuck you T’Soni</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>hah</p><p>she beat you to the pitch</p><p>guess we’re not the only ones losing their edge around here</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aria</strong>
</p><p>Say</p><p>I happen to know countless mercenaries still willing to pay an astonishing amount of credits</p><p>For your head</p><p>Archangel. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>wait how did you</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aria</strong>
</p><p>Please.</p><p>Did you honestly think anything happens on Omega without me knowing about it?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>OH.</p><p>Oh shit</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Miranda</strong>
</p><p>Oh shit is right.</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> created this group.</p><p>This group has <span class="u">17 members</span>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Kasumi</strong>
</p><p>i leave my omnti-tool on mute for ONE MINUTE</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for making it this far!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shore leave doesn't go as planned.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Because a lot of people enjoyed the previous chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> created this group.</p><p>This group has <span class="u">17 members</span>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aria</strong>
</p><p>I think you might have misplaced something.</p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Aria T’Loak</em> </strong> <em> sent a <span class="u">photo</span>. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>You cannot be serious. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>is that purgatory?</p><p>is she still there??</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>She isn’t in her dress blues so I guess it’s fine... you know, so long as no one in the Citadel recognizes that it’s the savior of the galaxy sleeping on top of the pirate queen of Omega’s lap...</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>shit</p><p>she looks wasted </p><p> </p><p><strong><em>Joker</em></strong><em> took a screenshot of the chat.</em> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>i told her not to go drinking by herself in a place like purgatory... </p><p>keelah why wont she ever listen</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aria</strong>
</p><p>Are you saying she isn’t allowed to have a good time just because she’s all by herself?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>that’s exactly what I’m saying yes, thank you for making it sound clearer</p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Aria T’Loak</em> </strong> <em> sent a <span class="u">video</span>.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aria</strong>
</p><p>She isn’t all by herself</p><p>She’s with me.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>she’s drooling on your lap</p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Joker</em> </strong> <em> took a screenshot of the chat. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>please.</p><p>we all know that if shepard were sober she wouldn’t be caught ten feet near that couch</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aria</strong>
</p><p>Oh, no? </p><p>I wouldn’t exactly count myself out just yet, quarian. </p><p>After all, didn’t she start frequenting this place only after I decided to stay here on the Citadel?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>That has nothing to do with your arrival. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Mordin</strong>
</p><p>Asari pheromones likely reason. Targeted subject’s experiences include: accelerated heart rate, increased production of hormones, highly receptive olfactory sensors, dilation of pupils, and many more. Too many to mention. Asari always use to their advantage. Always use this on subject they desire. Often subject may be unable to recognize effects, humans especially. </p><p>In this case, Shepard. </p><p>Shepard highly capable individual. Highly intelligent. Oblivious tendencies baffling. </p><p>Must study further. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>Yes, thank you for that... truly enlightening trivia about my people, Professor. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Mordin</strong>
</p><p>Pleasure is all mine, Doctor T’Soni. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>why can’t quarians have the secret biological weapon for once</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samara</strong>
</p><p>I must stress that it is... involuntary for asari.</p><p>In fact, sometimes controlling it can be quite challenging for us. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>well there was no need to brag about <em>that</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>I’m going to pick up Shepard.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>i’m coming with you</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aria</strong>
</p><p>No you’re not</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>it’s fine i got it</p><p>i’m by the entrance already</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>damnit vega i was here first </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>you‘re already <em>there</em>, vakarian???</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>i was in the neighborhood </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Joker</strong>
</p><p>no you weren’t i literally just saw you run out the airlock like 5 minutes ago</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>I DID NOT.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Joker</strong>
</p><p>Edi can be my witness</p><p>Edi?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>EDI</strong>
</p><p>He did. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>sneaky boshtet </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>look there’s no point in arguing about it right now because i’m HERE NOW</p><p>i got this</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>i’m here too </p><p> </p><p><strong><em>Aria T’Loak</em></strong><em> sent a <span class="u">video</span>.</em> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samantha</strong>
</p><p>OKAY THAT IS NOT HOW YOU PROPERLY CARRY A PERSON </p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Joker</em> </strong> <em> took a screenshot of the chat.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aria</strong>
</p><p>Idiots. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>this is how turians are properly carried </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samantha</strong>
</p><p>JAMES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>SHE’S A HELL LOT HEAVIER THAN SHE LOOKS OKAY</p><p>SHE’S BEEN WORKING OUT A LOT</p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Aria T’Loak</em> </strong> <em> sent a <span class="u">video</span>. </em></p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Joker</em> </strong> <em> took a screenshot of the chat.</em></p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Joker</em> </strong> <em> took a screenshot of the chat. </em></p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Joker</em> </strong> <em> took a screenshot of the chat. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>IT'S GARRUS HE’S TOO TALL</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samantha</strong>
</p><p>FIRST OF ALL STOP TYPING</p><p>AND SECOND OF ALL</p><p>STOP PULLING HER LIKE A RAGDOLL </p><p>THIS IS NOT A TUG OF WAR</p><p>IT’S COMMANDER SHEPARD. </p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Aria T’Loak</em> </strong> <em> sent a <span class="u">video</span>.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>HAHAHAHA </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>Oh my god.</p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Joker</em> </strong> <em> took a screenshot of the chat. </em></p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Jack</em> </strong> <em> took a screenshot of the chat. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Joker</strong>
</p><p>oh man the commander’s definitely gonna feel that in the morning</p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>ERROR USER NOT FOUND</em> </strong> <em> took a screenshot of the chat. </em></p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Urdnot Wrex</em> </strong> <em> took a screenshot of the chat. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urdnot</strong>
</p><p>Aethghyta is gonna wanmna see tghis</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>Not. Helping. </p><p> </p><p><strong><em>Mordin Solus</em></strong><em> took a screenshot of the chat.</em> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>alright that’s it</p><p>you two boshtets need to stay put </p><p>STOP moving shepard around</p><p>i’m on my way out of the Normandy right now</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>I’m already at the docking bay.</p><p>We can take the same skycar together.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>alright sounds good to me</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Miranda</strong>
</p><p>I’ll be sure to inform Dr. Chakwas about Shepard’s possible freshly acquired concussion.  </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Kasumi</strong>
</p><p>um should we really be concerned though</p><p>i mean she’s going to be fine, isn’t she?</p><p>this IS the same shepard we are talking about right </p><p>right?</p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Aria T’Loak</em> </strong> <em> sent a <span class="u">photo</span>. </em></p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Urdnot Wrex</em> </strong> <em> took a screenshot of the chat.</em></p><p> </p><p><strong> <em>Joker</em> </strong> <em> took a screenshot of the chat. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Kasumi</strong>
</p><p>okay</p><p>let’s go tell dr chakwas </p><p>you know, just in case</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>Way ahead of you.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> created this group.</p><p>This group has <span class="u">17 members</span>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Joker</strong>
</p><p>before i say anything</p><p>i just want everyone to know</p><p>that I DO value my life</p><p>and that i’m only doing this for the sake of the Normandy which i love and will do everything for</p><p>so uh...</p><p>can... someone please explain to me what the pirate queen of omega is doing here... on the Normandy...</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>Aria</strong>
</p><p>I’m right here.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>Joker</strong>
</p><p>and i did say that i value my life, right...</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>she wouldn’t uh let us leave without her</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>this is all your fault garrus</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>MY FAULT??</p><p>it was VEGA who pushed that damn sofa off of the platform!!!!!!</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>i told you it was an ACCIDENT</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>I still don’t understand how someone can “accidentally” push a sofa off a cliff</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>it was already placed near THE EDGE</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>It weighed over 1000 lbs.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>well obviously i didnt notice that</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>In any case, she’s only here because Shepard needs to file an incident report.</p><p>An incident report she can make easily by herself, I might add.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aria</strong>
</p><p>Please. Every minute I spend aboard your ship I will detest for the rest of my life.</p><p>It may come as a surprise to most of you, but that sofa cost more than an entire year’s salary one would make, say, in the Human Alliance perhaps.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>well shit</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>uh... you do accept installments right?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>keelah</p><p>this is exactly why i get my fix in the observation deck instead</p><p>plus, it’s free</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Kasumi</strong>
</p><p>wait those were free?</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Aria T’Loak</strong> sent a <span class="u">photo</span>.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Aria T’Loak</strong> sent a <span class="u">photo</span>.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Aria T’Loak</strong> sent a <span class="u">photo</span>.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>Are you serious? Stop taking photos of Shepard.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>that’s right</p><p>those are completely unwarranted</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aria</strong>
</p><p>Oh? Well look who’s talking.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>TALI</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>what</p><p>it’s shepard in full uniform</p><p>SHEPARD. IN. FULL. ALLIANCE. UNIFORM.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>WE ALWAYS SEE HER IN FULL UNIFORM</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>not nearly enough</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Ashley Williams</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>James Vega</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Thane Krios</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Kasumi Goto</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>GUYS</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Thane</strong>
</p><p>I always did admire the way the Alliance Navy uniform fit on humans.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Kasumi</strong>
</p><p>right????</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Samara</strong> took a screenshot of the chat.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>LMAO</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>okay you know what</p><p>fine</p><p>FINE.</p><p>
  <strong> <em>F I N E</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Garrus Vakarian</strong> took a screenshot of the chat. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>just live your truth man</p><p>
  <span class="u">#respect</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">#Traitors</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Miranda</strong>
</p><p>Undoubtedly.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> created this group.</p><p>This group has <span class="u">17 members</span>.</p><p> </p><p><strong>James Vega</strong> forwarded a <span class="u">link</span>.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <span class="u"> <strong>Find out ILLIUM'S TOP TEN RICHEST INDIVIDUALS in 2188!</strong> </span>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Highlighted:</strong> Liara T'Soni, the head of House T'Soni and daughter of the late Matriarch Benezia T'Soni, remains to this day as one of the most influential and richest information brokers in Illium. Ranked at Number 3, she is the youngest asari to have ever...</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>No.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>damnit</p><p>...kasumi?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Kasumi</strong>
</p><p>what makes you think <em>I</em> have the credits to pay for an artisan sofa</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>...</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Kasumi</strong>
</p><p>oh right ha ha</p><p>no.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>Miranda..?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Miranda</strong>
</p><p>Forget it, Vega.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>well it was worth a shot anyway</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Once again, thanks for making it this far!</p><p>(Don't worry, the Alliance probably covered the fees for that sofa. Probably.)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>so... I hear we're getting a remaster C:</p><p>Silly groupchat fic now with minor plot added but is still just meant to make readers smile a little bit &lt;3 (I am hoping it does!!)</p><p>(PS: If you are reading some of my other fics, I will update them. I have the other chapters in my pc, I'm just paranoid and I think they could use way more work.)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> created this group.</p><p>This group has <span class="u">17 members</span>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samantha</strong>
</p><p>Did you guys hear that?? </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>I think that was Vega</p><p>It has to be Vega</p><p>No one else in the Normandy can swear as colorful as he can in Spanish like that</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Joker</strong>
</p><p>i wouldn’t rule out jack just yet</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>ha ha fuck you </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samantha</strong>
</p><p>THERE IT IS AGAIN</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Joker</strong>
</p><p>its coming from the cargo bay</p><p><span class="u">@James Vega</span> what the hell are you doing back there???? </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>he better not have broken something.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Samantha Traynor</strong> added <strong>Steve Cortez</strong> to the group. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samantha</strong>
</p><p>Steve, what’s going on?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Steve </strong>
</p><p>He stubbed his toe on a 100lb dumbbell</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>he what</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>why does it sound like he’s tearing apart the hull of the ship then?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>Why does he also sound like he’s trying to recite the entire Bible in Spanish </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Steve</strong>
</p><p>Oh that happened before his bench press fell apart </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samantha</strong>
</p><p>His <em>bench press?? </em></p><p>Is he injured???? </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Steve</strong>
</p><p>His pride is, yes</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>oh</p><p>then we have absolutely nothing to worry about </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>WHERE IS HE</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>What</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>WHERES VAKARIAN</p><p>SOMEBODY BETTER TELL ME WHERE HE IS</p><p>RIFHGT NOW</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Joker</strong>
</p><p>vega can you please stop running around the Normandy seriously </p><p>you’re not exactly what i’d call a dainty little flower </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>isn’t that the truth</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>HE NEEDS TO PAY</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>not that i object in any way or form but</p><p>what did he do to you?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>HE. BROKE. MY. FUCKING. BENCH. PRESS. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>uh </p><p>is that it </p><p>tf</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>IS THAT IT??? </p><p>DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THIS THING COSTS???? HOW MUCH I HAD TO CUT BACK ON MY PAYCHECK JUST TO HAVE IT HERE?? </p><p>I BARELY JUST GOT IT PAYED OFF!!!! </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>He does have a point you know</p><p>Salary in the Alliance isn’t really that good unless you start climbing the ranks... and that takes time.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>yeah ok thats fair</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>I hear they’ve been pushing for higher pay ever since humans got a seat on the council. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samantha</strong>
</p><p>How long ago was that? It’s been years now and there still hasn’t been any changes</p><p>I’m still trying to pay off some student loans if I’m going to be honest</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>shit, kid </p><p>you serious? </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samantha</strong>
</p><p>Yeah...</p><p>But it’s not so bad </p><p>I do my best to make it work</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Joker</strong>
</p><p>i think the pay is pretty decent actually</p><p>we get free lodging, some food allowance, shore leave AND sick leave </p><p>apart from the surprise Normandy inspections, im good</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urdnot</strong>
</p><p>wde get paid? </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali </strong>
</p><p>try living as a quarian for a day</p><p>it’s practically slave labor</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHERE HE IS</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urdnot</strong>
</p><p>wasd nko one gonkna tell mde we get paid </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Steve</strong>
</p><p>I don’t think this is good for your blood pressure, Mr. Vega.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>he’s over here in my room</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>DAMNIT JACK </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p><span class="u">@James Vega</span> in case you didn’t know, it’s down in engineering</p><p>it’s a bit hard to find but just head down the steps outside the engine drive core</p><p>if you still can’t find it on your own, i’ll point you there</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>thanks</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>I HATE YOU ALL</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> created this group.</p><p>This group has <span class="u">17 members</span>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Miranda</strong>
</p><p>Can somebody please explain to me why Garrus and Vega have been chasing each other around the Normandy for a little over an hour now</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>poor priorities</p><p>mediocre supervision</p><p>questionable life choices</p><p>take your pick</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samara</strong>
</p><p>I didn’t wish to say anything.</p><p>However, it has been distracting me from my meditations.</p><p>I find it... inconvenient. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Kasumi</strong>
</p><p>it’s giving me reaper flashbacks </p><p><em>proper</em> reaper flashbacks</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Miranda</strong>
</p><p>If no one does a thing about it, I will be forced to take matters into my own hands.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Kasumi</strong>
</p><p>wow</p><p>10/10 mom vibes </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Miranda</strong>
</p><p>By suspending their bodies mid-air in a biotic stasis field until they both learn how to act like proper functioning adults. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Kasumi</strong>
</p><p>nvm</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>I will gladly assist. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samara</strong>
</p><p>Seeing as it does not violate the rules of my oath, I may choose to participate alongside you both as well. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>i’ll fucking do it myself </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>IT ISNRT MY FAULT</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>LIKE HELL IT ISNT</p><p>AND WHY DIDNT ANYBODY TELL ME THAT TURIANS WERE GONNA BE THIS FAST?????</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>they’re TURIANS. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>WILL YOU TWO JUST CUT IT OUT ALREADY?</p><p>All this noise is going to wake up the commander </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>I would very much prefer it if Shepard were to continue her nap in her quarters uninterrupted. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>after all that she has endured in purgatory? </p><p>absolutely </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>Karin informed me that Shepard has been having trouble getting enough sleep as of late.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Miranda</strong>
</p><p>If I were responsible for the welfare of a ship full of children, I would too. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>well i can't say i don't know how that feels </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>BUT HE’S USING THE PROTHEAN GUY AS A MEAT. SHIELD.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>then exterminate the prothean???</p><p>honestly</p><p>i dont see what the big deal is</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>I DONT WANNA GO NEAR THAT GUY</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>why not</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>BECAUSE</p><p>THE AMOUNT OF EYES ON HIM FREAKS ME OUT OKAY????</p><p>AND</p><p>HE BENDS DARK MATTER.</p><p>I am NOT touching that guy</p><p>NO ONE can force me to touch that guy</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>good cause i don’t plan on leaving the prothean until you give up</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>wait</p><p>you have a problem with species that have more than a pair of two eyes? </p><p>well that’s a little discriminatory if you ask me</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samantha</strong>
</p><p>It does sound a bit discriminatory, yes </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>It is. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>
  <span class="u">@James Vega</span>
</p><p>jerk</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>seriously???? </p><p>COME ON</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus </strong>
</p><p>that’s right</p><p>you big JERK</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>what if i had four eyes vega </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>you dont have four eyes tali</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>oh yeah? </p><p>well how do you know that i don’t have six eyes? </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>because you’re QUARIAN?? </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>there it is </p><p>he finally said it</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>vega you’ve never even seen a quarian without their helmet before </p><p>in fact, i’m willing to bet no one in this entire ship has </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>lola has and she told me what you guys looked like, alright?? </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>oh? did she, now?</p><p>did... she perhaps mention anything else about me</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>no</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>are you sure</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>why does it matter??</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Private Chat</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>i’ll tell you where garrus keeps his private stash of sniper rifle mods </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>juggernaut </strong>
</p><p>i don’t see how that’s a fair deal</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>most are illegal in omega</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>juggernaut</strong>
</p><p>i’m listening </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>tell me what shepard said, vega.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>juggernaut</strong>
</p><p>hold on a minute</p><p>why do i get the feeling that you already know what she said...</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>i do.</p><p>now tell the groupchat</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>juggernaut</strong>
</p><p>oh now that’s just playing dirty</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> created this group.</p><p>This group has <span class="u">17 members</span>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>lola told me she thinks quarians look “conventionally attractive”</p><p>Tali especially </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>Shepard said that?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James</strong>
</p><p>yeah</p><p>more than once now come to think of it</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>oh? </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>say...</p><p>she didn’t happen to say anything about turians, did she? </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>i suppose this could be our secret biological weapon </p><p>that all quarians are conventionally attractive behind the mask</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Steve</strong>
</p><p>You know what, it's never really occurred to me before: what the commander's preferences are in a romantic partner.</p><p>If she’s mentioned it more than once now, then it could be quarians for all we know. </p><p>Just some food for thought, really.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>EDI</strong>
</p><p><span class="u">@James Vega</span> and <span class="u">@Garrus Vakarian</span> I would advise you to please stop provoking the prothean.</p><p>I am detecting an anomaly in third deck that suspiciously matches the signature of dark matter. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Joker</strong>
</p><p>I CAN HEAR THEM EDI</p><p>HELL I CAN FEEL THE PULL </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Tali</strong>
</p><p>you know what steve</p><p>i think you could be right</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy</strong> sent a <span class="u">photo. </span></em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Miranda</strong>
</p><p>That’s it. </p><p>I have had ENOUGH. </p><p>I'm heading down to engineering.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara </strong>
</p><p>Good, I’m here already. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samara</strong>
</p><p>Be down shortly. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Jack</strong>
</p><p>FINALLY</p><p>ITS ABOUT FUCKING TIME</p><p>I COULD USE THE FUCKING WORK OUT </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Joker</strong>
</p><p>NO NO NO NO NO. </p><p>NO BIOTIC FIGHTS ALLOWED ON MY SHIP </p><p>ESPECIALLY. NOT. WHILE WE ARE MIDAIR PEOPLE!!!!! </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samantha</strong>
</p><p>What in god’s name just happened </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Garrus</strong>
</p><p>I BLAME YOU VEGA </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ashley</strong>
</p><p>I blame you too Vega</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>James </strong>
</p><p>WHAT THE HELL DID I DO?????</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Joker</strong>
</p><p>EVERYBODY COOL. IT.</p><p>EDI IS ON HER WAY DOWN TO DEESCALATED THE SITUATION RIGHT NOW</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Thane</strong>
</p><p>I shall assist.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samantha</strong>
</p><p>I’m going to go wake the commander</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Liara</strong>
</p><p>In case I didn’t make myself clear earlier, Shepard needs her sleep.  </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Samantha </strong>
</p><p>On second thought...</p><p>Maybe it’d be best if I just sit this one out?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Kasumi</strong>
</p><p>ah</p><p>it’s good to be back on the normandy  </p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Kasumi Goto</strong> sent a <span class="u">video.</span></em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Aria</strong>
</p><p>This right here.</p><p>This is exactly why I don’t do teammates. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Urdnot</strong>
</p><p>lady you domnt know thge half of it</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>To: <span class="u">jane.shepard@systems.alliance.mil</span></strong><br/>
<strong>From: <span class="u">hannah.shepard@systems.alliance.mil</span></strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Comdr. Shepard:</p>
  <p>The purpose of this letter is to inform you of the growing misconduct of your crew members aboard the <em>SSV Normandy-SR3</em>. </p>
  <p>Upon the most recent surprise inspection, the members of your crew including non-military personnel have been sighted engaged in a physical altercation, with the use of biotics and other such harmful elements that could cause permanent damage to the vessel and her occupants, and by extension the mission of which you have been ordered by, not only the Systems Alliance but by the Intergalactic Council, to pursue. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>The military personnel caught in the altercation includes the ff. individuals:</p>
  <p>LtCdr. Ashley Williams</p>
  <p>Lt. James Vega </p>
  <p>Lt. Steve Cortez </p>
  <p>Dr. Karin Chakwas</p>
  <p>GA Biotic Instructor Jack </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>The non-military personnel caught in the altercation includes the ff. individuals: </p>
  <p>Garrus Vakarian </p>
  <p>Tali’Zorah vas Normandy </p>
  <p>Liara T’Soni </p>
  <p>Miranda Lawson </p>
  <p>Justicar Samara </p>
  <p>Thane Krios</p>
  <p>Kasumi Goto</p>
  <p>Mordin Solus</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>According to LtCdr. Barnes, who was present during the time of the inspection, the Protheon Commander Javik as well as an unidentified AI vessel was also sighted in the same deck. The Alliance finds the implications of this information troubling. </p>
  <p>You have been ordered to dock the <em>SSV Normandy-SR3</em> to the Canadian Systems Alliance Headquarters for further inspection. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Respectfully,<br/>
Hannah Shepard <br/>
Fleet Admiral Systems Alliance Navy </p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote><hr/><p> </p><p><strong>From: <span class="u">jane.shepard@systems.alliance.mil</span></strong><br/>
<strong>To: </strong><em>Send to All</em> <strong><em><span class="u">[SSV NORMANDY SR-3] </span></em></strong></p><p> </p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Meeting room. Now. </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you once again for making it this far! </p><p>(It's a cliffhanger, I know. SO maybe I will update this little groupchat fic in the near future, especially now since we're getting a remaster JHDSJKH)</p><p>Please stay safe and healthy, everyone! Also a big thanks to everyone who left comments, bookmarks, and kudos! That always makes my day :)</p><p>Edit: Okay unrelated but this post has the same energy as this groupchat fic!! I CAN'T EVEN "mass effect characters if you ask them to buy you pads: a thread" https://twitter.com/raideddavid/status/1337324957886337024</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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